I do not particularly have my heart set on finding a boyfriend and am skeptical of finding a Mr. Right anytime in the near future, but as an American 20 something living in Berlin, Germany, I thought it was time to get to know some of the interesting people living in this dynamic city and see first-hand the pros and cons of online dating. I decided to start with OK Cupid since it was suggested to me.
First thoughts:
- People are visual creatures. It was interesting to start a profile with no picture and no responses and then watch the difference when a pic is posted. This is natural. You want to talk to someone online with a face but guys who have absolutely nothing in common with me came a knockin’. This is telling in some ways for what those guys are looking for as well I suppose.
- The ease of finding men in Europe who don’t smoke just went way up. As an American, we look less favorably on smoking. It is almost shocking how many people smoke compared to the US but through this dating method, I know right away. To each his own on what one likes but this is a plus for me.
- I have finally found German men! It is more difficult to make good German friends (really to find them) and even harder, at least in my experience, to even get to know single German men. This way I get a fast pass – and can chat with them in German! Vocabulary is already improving.
- Weeding out players can be done easily from the comfort of my own home. Those men who are used to being suave can be even more direct online and make their intentions known, particularly because they are protected from behind the computer screen. Messages along the lines of “Let’s cut to the chase. I know what I want and I want to go out with you” wrapped in a sub-context of a possible one night stand makes things easier. For me, no thank you. But if I was interested, I could spot the takers easily.
- I get posed questions I have never answered or thought about. I find this excellent! I am forced to learn more about myself and that is always worth it to me. I also learn a lot about them through their interests which is great. This goes for the questions provided by OK Cupid as well.
- Some men have perfected the Profile. After reading some of these profiles, it is clear that some men not only put a lot of time into them but completely nailed them! I am impressed, gentlemen.
- Quickly learn what features about you stand out to men. Good to know! For me it seems to be that I have a bright smile and seem kind and friendly.
- Most of the OK Cupid questions they ask you seem irrelevant. Sure, I might be annoyed when someone is late but it depends on how late, what they are late for and what their reason was. To say I only accept someone who is also annoyed by lateness seems like a great way to not match with people who could be great over something that is minor.
- There is potential. There seem to be good guys out there who I would like to get to know better, though I am proceeding with caution. I don’t know much about them after all but am interested in getting to know some – one in particular so far!
- I can stay in my PJs to search until I find someone who catches my eye. I am meeting people outside of OK Cupid and online dating too, but the novelty of being in PJs stuffing my face while I chat with these men is a very entertaining plus that I was not expecting.
More to come as I go. Stay posted!
The Dating Game for 20 somethings 
Great post – as a former online dater, I find your perspective quite interesting – I know it would not be something I would return to as I find it quite frustrating – having a well crafted profile, sending a well thought out opening message to no response.
Regarding the players, I met my current girlfriend of 8 months after Talking to her for less than 24 hours via Tinder. I pretty much had enough of talking via phones for too long so I pretty much said ‘Let’s cut to the chase, what’s your number…’ so it is not necessarily always a player 🙂
LikeLike
Thanks for commenting! Yes, the profile drafting reminds me of applying for jobs and it all can become quite daunting. One simply cannot summarize personality in so short a space or at all for that matter.
Congrats! I am glad that worked out for you and you found someone you care about. More proof that it is possible! You are right. Directness does not mean someone is a player. It was mostly the follow up comments to that opening line that made me feel that way as well as his answers to relationship questions but it brings to light a tricky thing about online and regular dating – how to best avoid prematurely judging someone. Correct me if I am wrong but it seems like you talked back and forth with your current girlfriend and then asked for a number. The first thing this guy said to me without knowing anything about me or hearing a word from me was that line. Perhaps he is just trying to show confidence but the whole package gave me pause. I am sure he is lovely but I would want something more serious. He is just probably not lovely for me 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well we talked back a bit more than the interaction you seemed to have 🙂
I have previously been on OkCupid and found I could average about 5/6 replies before getting no more responses, so when I joined Tinder I realised I had to be swift to move things further. So he could have a similiar more extreme approach like mine, or he is using the abundance mentality. Personally there is a possibility he is not a player, just someone who is terrible at communicating. But don’t quote me on that 🙂
Anyway best of luck in your journey, I found the advice “someone comes along when you least expect it” to be true.
Because even though I was on a dating app – I had zero expectations of getting any good results, then wham! Out of nowhere, I am in a relationship!
LikeLike
Yeah it is true that perhaps he was putting on an act and is really sweet deep down. Sometimes we have to go with our gut when trying to navigate these things I suppose. I also have zero expectations! I seem to be ready to be proven wrong. In the meantime though I am enjoying getting to know some very nice guys and learning new things from them. Give my best to your gf and I with you both well! Thanks for commenting 🙂 It is always nice to have a back and forth.
LikeLike